Monday, October 7, 2013

My Weekend of Recovery...

I had such a wonderful conference weekend!! 

My dad and Brian's brother Spencer had to come down from Alberta to pick up some trailers so they and Brian's parents were all here for a short visit :) It was so fun to hang out with everyone and catch up. We got to go eat out a few times and just all relax together as we watched all the sessions.

It was a well needed pick-me-up!

Boss and Bri on our family outing to the park after everyone headed home!

Love these guys!!!! 

I have been kind of down lately, and I have debated back and forth about mentioning anything... but I recently had a miscarriage... so this little family holiday was just what I needed. 

I know most people keep things like that private and maybe I should have... and I don't share it to get pity points but I learned when blogging about our struggles with Boston that it seemed to help me reflect and move on when I wrote it down. I was still pretty early, but it was still hard to go through. I took it really hard the first week and wasn't really sure what to do. We haven't had the best luck with easy pregnancies/deliveries so far and we got pretty discouraged. Well at least I did, Brian always seems to handle the hard times with much more grace than I do haha. 

We weren't only struggling emotionally (and somewhat physically) but we got showered again with the magic of medical bills... it is apparently the story of our lives now. We spent thousands of dollars on the medical care I needed that we were saving for another baby.... well the money is gone and we have no baby to show for it.  

Sometimes I feel like we can't catch a break in this department....

But that is why conference is so great! It is such a good way to recharge.
(I am filling this blog with random park pictures if you can't tell... to try and make it less boring)

And family visits make everything better :) 

We have so much support and love from both sides, we are very, very blessed!

And Brian may or may not kill me... but I recently discovered that he is keeping an online journal and was trying to hide it from me haha. But I found it....

During conference I was reading part of it where he writes about his side of the story with Boston and I wanted to share a little bit of it... it's kinda long but it has pieces of the story I never mentioned and wanted to share.... 

Brian's Journal Entry:

"We were told initially that everything looked fine with Boston but that we would need to keep him on oxygen and keep him at the hospital for a few weeks to make sure he would be alright.  It was quite common for the lungs to be under-developed when a baby was born this prematurely.  Boston, however, was really struggling with his breathing and would at times stop breathing for minutes at a time.  We would need to rush over to him and gently shake and tap him to make sure he woke up and began breathing.  It was very terrifying.  I recall one particular time he turned really, really blue and we could not get him to start breathing.  I had never been so scared or felt so helpless.  Fortunately after nearly a minute and a half of not breathing he began his small little squeaks of breath we had grown to love so much.  The "apnea" as the doctors called it, did not seem to be improving quite as quickly as they would have hoped but said that everything was fine and he would catch up.

There was a particular nurse at the hospital that I had, to be perfectly honest, thought was quite odd.  She was very eccentric and was not very good at speaking with others.  Each time she came to our room my wife would cry with concern for Boston.  She seemed to have all these different ideas and opinions about Boston's health.  While everyone else was telling us he was fine and he just needed time to develop she was certain that something was wrong.  I specifically remember trying to calm Brooke down while she was crying after one of such visits saying, "it is fine, she is just a little crazy.  Everyone else says Boston is completely fine, don't worry."   2 days had passed with these same comments and concerns.  All the other doctors and nurses said it was fine and that we just needed to wait.  We were notified by this nurse practitioner that she intended to do a spinal tap to ensure Boston was alright.  All the other doctors and nurses insisted that it was unnecessary but allowed it to happen because of the resolve with which this particular nurse practitioner exhibited.  After the spinal tap was done it was concluded based upon the results that Boston was infected with bacterial meningitis.  Normally this type of meningitis is not found until it has developed so badly that it causes siezures, which is normally at about 3 weeks.  We had found the infection at only 2 days old.  The meningitis was really really bad, and if we had not found it for another 2 or 3 weeks it would have almost certainly meant death or severe brain damage to our son.

This nurse practitioner had saved our sons life.  She never was at that hospital at our particular shift again, and we never got the chance to thank her.  I have so badly wanted to at least know her name and thank her for the remarkable service she gave to our son, she had indeed saved his life.

Boston was in the hospital for 43 days.  He slowly developed and recovered but we were instructed that there would almost definitely be some very severe brain damage. It was an extremely difficult time and we so badly wanted to know that our son would be alright.  There was, however, 0 answers or timelines.  We simply had to wait and see how he developed.  We were sent home with a breathing monitor and an oxygen tank which he was hooked up to for another couple months.  Wherever we went, they went.

One particular day, a saturday morning, Boston stopped breathing all together.  I heard Brooke scream for me from his room and I rushed in to see him with his eyes closed, no movement in his chest and terribly blue in color.  The monitor read an oxygen level of almost nothing.  I quickly turned on his oxygen tank and put on his mask.  He would not breath.  I had absolutely no idea what to do so I simply turned his oxygen on full and let air run through his motionless body.  I was so scared and felt so helpless.  Brooke was crying while I held Boston trying to do anything to help my son breath.  He went about 2 minutes without any movement in his body when finally I saw his little chest begin to move."

After reading this I realized that if we could get through that together, we could do anything. It's funny how you go through something so terrible but as time passes and things are going good again you forget what you learned (to a certain degree) and so the Lord sends you something else to work through to remind you. 
I will admit, I have had a pretty sheltered, cushioned life. And although I feel like the past year or so has been very hard, I know there are families out there who have it much, much worse. I mean look at Boston now! He certainly is our little miracle. And I know that the Lord would not have taken my baby away for no reason and I take comfort in knowing He knows what is best for me and my family. 

I am so grateful for a living prophet that we get to hear speak twice a year, for the happiness and comfort the gospel brings in my life, and for my eternal family. 

AAannnndd I'll get off my soapbox now... remember, no one forces you to read these haha. 

My two boys are all I need in my life to be happy!

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

I Got A Mover!!!

This little guy has been BUSY these past few days!!!

He has started saying dadda and the very occasional mamma :) (we worked so hard on mamma but dad still came first... what's up with that!?)

He is getting harder and harder to entertain. A few little toys on the floor doesn't quite cut it anymore haha. 
Luckily we already have a sweet toy room, He LOVES the stuffed animal pit in the Harry Potter closet under the stairs! 

He has started chewing on his thumb ALL THE TIME.... it is not sucking yet and as a dental professional I refuse to let this become a habit haha. We will see how it goes....

He figured out his walker and scooted all the way from the living room to the kitchen! 

And the most exciting new talent is CRAWLING!!! It is still a funny injured army crawl, but he is definitely moving forward and getting better at it everyday. 

This was when he first started, just a few little faceplants at a time haha

And this was today! He is getting faster! He crawls the best when you put some sort of electronic device in front of him.... his favorite is Brian's laptop but daddie doesn't seem to like him slobbering all over it for some reason? weird.... 

So proud of Boss this week! He keeps growing up :(